Bernie Ambitions

This weekend I spent some time on a golf course hanging out with my boyfriend's family and trying to avoid sunburn, which was more fun than you might expect. At one point a friend of my boy's brother ran into the restaurant sporting one of those Bernie Clifton costumes which look as though a person is riding a massive bird.

This was a coincidence as my New Year's resolution for 2007 is to make a version of this that makes it look as though I am riding a Pink Flamingo in time for Bestival in September. A resolution that, true to form, I have largely ignored since its conception in January, save for purchasing some pink feathers and papier mache.

SO anyway, in comes the chap, whose bird was, at best, a little shoddy and nondescript (orange) and who seemed as happy with the appendage between the legs as he was with the rapturous reception he received (his bird's neck hang loosely until manually pulled up whereas mine will, I hope be self sufficient).
More like this (this is not him. This is the bastard son of David Beckham and that bloke in Corrie with the high voice)

Anyway, prompted by the arrival of a substandard Clifton I was able to consider my original plan for contruction again.
For example, one advantage his costume has over my original design was that, thanks to its loose covering across the top he was able to sit down. This was something I hadn't considered to date, and had planned to create a more solid rounded bird body around me bum. This now seems unnecessarily impractical. It also brings the subject of toilet visits up again, something I have been neglecting in my enthusiasm. Even this chap was saying his costume was hindering is ability to urinate. And he had the advantage, obviously, of external genitalia and largely civilised lavatories, whereas as a lady at Bestival I may particularly struggle on this score. However I am sure this is something that can be managed, with the correct design. Possibly with some sort of integrated funneling device?

Anyway the best advice on construction I have found to date is this online site about making halloween costumes for kids:
http://jas.familyfun.go.com/arts-and-crafts?page=CraftDisplay&craftid=10262
Although this is handy for the feet:
http://www.costumes.org/classes/254pages/projects/birdfoot.htm

But in the search I found these beauties:
How to make 10 ft silver wings (this is possibly the most impressive costume I have ever seen)
http://www.cockeyed.com/incredible/wings/wings.html
How to make a head out of meat:
http://cascade.mit.edu/halloween/meathead.html

Which just goes to show that neglecting the pursuit dressing fancy will only lead to depriving myself of All Sorts of Fun. Hey! Never mind the bloody job, where's the plastic skull covered in chum?