Fern's Guide to Dressing Fancy - 3 Basic Principles

Before we Begin: 3 Basic Principles of Dressing Fancy

1) Make a bloody effort.
There is a tasteful answer to every theme and there’s always the option to just wear a hat. Ignoring the call to fancy dress completely makes you look like the sort of pretentious tosser who is too up themselves to mess their hair up. At a fancy dress party its the guy in nice jeans and a top who becomes the outsider. Unless he can convince people that he’s come as Dermot O Leary (they won’t buy it)
If you do nothing else, a wig or hat is a simple way to transform yourself from party pooper to party person.

Here, Abi and Joe prove that with the addition of a few simple head accessories you can get away without a costume at all if you really wanted to


2) Sticking to the theme is good. Reinterpreting the theme is better. Ignoring the theme can be great.
Figure 1

The theme is like the Universal Id that defines your social station at the party, and as we mentioned earlier in the lesson, the rules of dressing fancy are unlike the rules of dressing normally. Here’s a good example. (fig one) There are those girls who will attend a Cowboys and Indians party dressed as a cowgirl and they are fine. They are nice girls and they look good in a Ten Gallon Hat and chaps and they’ve made the effort. Then there are people who come as Bollywood dancers. That’s better because it suggests that not only do they look hot in a midriff-skimming floaty top and pyjama bottoms, they have a bit of a brain and the spunk not to do the obvious thing. Then there are the girls who come as Cowboy Builders with a comedy plastic arse and a hard hat. They probably look a bit less sexy on the surface but they are brilliant because they don’t care what they look like so long as its clever and funny. They probably get a lot of sex anyway. Then there’s the girl who came as a Chicken Korma. Even though no one can get near her for tin foil and greasy cardboard, she’s getting more claps than anyone, the big old smarty-pants. Then there’s the girl who came as Wonder Woman. Because she likes going to parties dressed as Wonder Woman. She’s probably either Dutch or a bit mental but there’s a lot to love about that girl. She’s fighting for her rights! In her satin tights! She really is a wonder woman.
3) Everyone looks sexy in uniform. (Unless there’s a tabard involved)
The good thing about this piece of knowledge is that once you have it, you also notice that every single theme can lead to uniform wearing if you stretch it enough (see under 2). This is the golden secret of fancy dress. I’m a bit sorry I’ve given it away actually. Don’t tell anyone.