Fern's Guide to Dressing Fancy - Intro

Foreword

Fancy Dress is not just about looking like a dickhead at a party.
No, really, it isn’t.
It’s about everyone looking like a twat at a party. It’s a leveller, and a conversation starter. It’s a chance to wear clothes you aren’t usually allowed to put on, a chance to show off how creative you are, a chance to pretend you are someone you aren’t, a chance to be the person in a tutu, and, yes, every chance you will look like an idiot. It’s fairies and exotic animals and aristos from Ye Olden Dayes. It’s also scratchy wigs and someone who built a wigwam costume out of binbags and broom handles. Whatever it is we’re all in it together. Apart from the person who came in their normal clothes. Now they really look like a dickhead. Dickhead.

The Idea of this Guide

So you get an invite to a fancy dress party, or better still, you decide to hold your own. And the question is, what’s the theme?
In the old days you didn’t need to have a theme at all. A costume party would involve people dressed as clowns, as Napoleon and possibly as a Native American Chief. You could probably expect some wag to come Blacked Up in a comically racist fashion.[1]
However in recent years, things have got a lot more sophisticated and you will probably be required to be ‘on theme’.
So what happens is, you spend a few weeks delighting in the possibilities of the theme, trying to decide between several really clever interpretations of the theme, imagining how hot you will look in a catsuit and telling the other invitees that you’ve got a really clever idea which is a BIG SECRET. One of them will say that actually they are making something complicated themselves like a wigwam or a pantomime horse or a giant foam mobile phone, and you will laugh in their FACE saying ‘Hohoho it will never work you will be a laughing stock’

Then on the day of the party you spot three things:
One. You look like shit in a catsuit.
Two. You have no idea what to wear now.
Three. No one who works in your local fancy dress shop gives a rats ass about the fact that you haven’t got anything to wear, because seven people are standing behind you trying to return Elvis jumpsuits with a bit of sick on them and they only took the job so they could steal the nurses gear for their girlfriend and the cash to spend on the seven bottles of WKD it is going to take to make her wear it. You are fucked and you are going to have to either come up with something brilliant quick, or work out how to make a wigwam out of bin bags and broom handles.
This is where the guide comes in. Thanks to the guide you can now…

1) Get ideas for costume themes for parties
2) Get ideas for brilliant interpretations of those themes in costume
3) Tell you how to make things to wear for costumes

Thank goodness for me! You’re saved! Lets party, Mr Wigwam!

[1] This tends to be frowned on in most circles nowadays, although is more common than you might expect if the theme allows for Mr T costumes.