Fern's Guide to Dressing Fancy: Halloween

There are some American imports of which I wholly approve : Tom Waits music, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Kraft's Mac and Cheese and Halloween's Fancy Dressing being a handful of examples.
When I were a lass Halloween basically consisted of a crap edition of Why Don’t You in which children with difficult accents inexplicably shoved each other’s faces in buckets of water with apples in, and some plastic Jack O Lanterns, which briefly surrounded the pick and mix in Costcutters. Aside from that I forlornly watched decades of films and telly from the States in which children and adults alike obsessed about what their costume this year would be, came up with something slightly random and brilliant, knocked on each others doors and went partying with their pets and pet aliens dressed up as midget giants or robots or something. In the same way that US High School probably doesn’t involve quite so much running your own radio station and copping off in locker rooms, I’m sure Halloween doesn’t always attract smart wise ass checker shirted chums with a fabulous sense of the absurd. But Still. Having one day dedicated to costume parties has got to be a step in the direction of Cool, hasn’t it?
Anyway rejoice! For the gradual merging of our nation with its corporate benefactor has finally resulted in the great gift of Halloween. Now we can all play. Some young folk think it even started here in the first place. Who gives a shit? Where did I put my glow in the dark teeth?

The great thing about Halloween is that it seems any costume is on brief. Witness Matt's unusual cartoon elvis cum zorro take on the whole thing. I don't know what it is, but it kind of works... And here we see a perfectly normal Halloween ghoulie fest gatecrashed by a cheerleading Superman. Actually that really is scary.

All that stuff about dead people and ghosts and ghoulies and so forth is fine, but I suppose some of those Yanks got bored of hauling the same skeleton suit out of the closet every year, and ran out of scary things to be, so as I understand it, the deal is now that the more random and clever and even figurative you can be the better. Although I hear this mainly from my friends in LA and New York. Maybe it’s all still zombies and freaks in the Midwest (insert generic US friendly joke about not being able to tell difference here). We are either still in the early stages of development regarding Halloween costumes here, or desperately clinging to its pagan roots, so people in the UK tend to opt mainly for the monsters witches and that.
After all its not every day of the year you get to scare the living bejesus out of pre school children (Trick or Treat is it sonny? Treat yourself to my Hilarious Dripping Blood Teeth, and Realistic Pussy Wounds my Tiny Parka Jacketed Friend) without imminent arrest. Lets stick with it for the time being because as we all know, having a theme is a Good Thing and stops you sticking plastic bags to your head in a sleep deprived panic.

The theme of Dead Walking the Earth is however, a very liberal one. Can you think of anyone interesting who has died?

Oh yes. Everyone! Brilliant. Come as Elvis, complete with bloodless green skin and the poppy out eyes of a heart attack victim. Come as Mama Cass with half a chicken hanging out your mouth. Come as Charles the First with a genius mechanical head under your arm. Excellent do-it-yourself-without-actually-stabbing-yourself wounds can be found through the theatrical make up company, “Screen Tests” and involve some shelling out for latex glue and latex glue remover but really do return the effort and expense in children’s screams alone. (In London you can buy it at Charles H Fox in Covent Garden but am sure you can send off for it)

Otherwise there’s always the Underworld. You can go Classic (Medusa, That Thing with One Eye, er…. Sorry didn’t go to posh school. Ask someone else) or Pagan (Your basic Witch, Warlock, Werewolf, Vampire type thing).

I am particularly proud of our use of ghoulish make up here...

Yes, yes, you can go as a cat or a naughty devil. If you genuinely do look really sexy in it. If you don’t look really sexy you will definitely meet someone else who has come as a cat or a naughty devil too and is really sexy, and then you will be plunged into a maudlin and quite boring depression.

These girls will sit next to you if you come as a nughty devil. Then you will look less like a naughty devil and more like a rather plain bird in deely boppers.

You should consider the B Movie for inspiration. Aliens, Dracula’s Wife, Evil Robots, Mummies, Zombies, Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster (yes I am that pedantic. It may be a tedious and overrated gothic novel but the movies got it right and so should you.) Munsters, Zombies and Ghouls (oh my).

However, it has to be said that the best costumes I’ve seen yet hark back to the real roots of the festival itself and feature Dead Prom Queens, Jocks with Knives in their Guts and Cheerleaders with their Eyes Gouged Out. Yay! Go Team!